I remember sending out my very first newsletter in September 2020.
It was a small but significant moment. This was me showing up as a coach, pouring into other women. I was actually doing it.
I could not wait to hear back from friends on my first “official” Flourish communication. I could picture how happy and proud everyone would be, and I knew the accolades would extinguish my fear.
I held my breath as I hit send on my email and waited for the replies to flood back to me. Ten minutes of waiting turned into an hour, but nothing came across. An hour turned into all afternoon. Evening came, and I checked my phone again and again. Still nothing.
The replies never came.
I felt invisible. I felt folded in on myself, as if I had been tightly rolled from top to bottom like a newspaper with every ounce of hope and excitement squeezed out. And as those sensations seized my body, my mind began weaving a story of insignificance, that what I was trying to offer the world didn’t matter. And it hurt, I won't lie.
Have you ever felt exposed yet invisible like that?
Bruising moments like this add up to a lifetime of experiences, and we're bringing all of it with us wherever we go. Everything we've been through in the past influences what we're trying to do in the present. We empower ourselves when we do the work of becoming aware of when that's happening.
For example, last week I signed a new client, and as always, I got a jolt of excitement because I know how much coaching changes lives.
Then later that day I realized I felt unsettled. It was unusual, so I got curious. I noticed my body felt like it was steadying or fortifying against something. But what?
After a bit of time, it hit me: the next day I was planning to begin marketing my new in-person group coaching program for women entrepreneurs, and subconsciously my body was preparing for an onslaught of…silence. The story was: What if no one cares? That will hurt like last time. I need to protect myself.
Old Me would never have had that awareness because I would have shamed and shoulded myself until I gave up on doing the brave thing.
But Now Me realizes this is a tender place for a valid reason. OK, I’m feeling this way, and this is why. Now, what do I want to do about it?
I was empowered to choose what I wanted to do because I was aware of what I was experiencing. With awareness comes choice.
The next day, I did in fact begin marketing the program. And truthfully, those old thoughts and feelings have popped up. But I know how to fight this battle: I stay connected to who God says I am and to the truth that the program is going to change lives – silence or no silence.
What are the familiar sensations and stories you experience? I invite you to make room for exploring so that you, too, can be empowered to move through them from a place of choice.
When you’re experiencing discomfort, you can ask yourself the following questions:
What is it I’m feeling right now?
What’s the story I’m telling myself?
How true is that?
What else might be true?
What do I want to do in response?
If you need support doing this work, hit me up. You don't have to do it alone.